Without Ether

it is difficult to understand science. What does velocity in a container mean? How can a measure be taken of something invisible? And why have I become so stupid? Believing in magic rather than logic, rather than science. But how can one believe in something one does not understand? It is easier to understand that several superhuman-whatevers are making things happen. That they are the great discoverers and artists of the world. That they steal the good ideas and turn them in to their own. That they keep me from success. Now of course, success is impossible. I cannot win now, I have become dumb. I have lost my talent and my ability. I am blind and lonely and without. Ein.
Once I saw the world and described it in piercing detail and understanding. Once I knew how to translate the mundane in to the essential. It grieved me so to lose that. But now I am content again. I eat my chocolate bar and drink my caramel color aspartame. I sew a doll blouse and watch television shows for hours on end. And sometimes, if creativity bangs against my teeth like chattering, I make a video of the television shows I am watching. In this way, my afterlife drifts onward, through the ether.
There is no ether. That was discovered in 1887, by two fellows who got named after the non-existence of it. Originally, the greeks thought Ether was a substance through which matter could plow through but electromagnetic waves could not. Or something like that. I am too ignorant to understand the concept of ether, let alone that in 1887 it was discovered to be not there. In fact, Einstein used this fact of not being there to do something even more important, though what that was I cannot tell you as I grow dimmer with the very mention of his name. I know that Albert is a pen name for God. I know Ein means Without because of Ein Sof, which means without number, or without end (in Hebrew). I know Ein means without and that Stein is a mug in German, and means Stone too, but I think it means Stone only because Stone was Stein until going through the gates of Ellis Island where the authorities changed Stein to Stone as it was easier to pronounce. So in that way, Stein does not mean Stone. Stein means cup, or vessel. Chalice if you will. This is the stupid human talking of the brilliant Albert Einstein. Al Ein Ein really, if you take out the S and the T. Or if you say Es Tee within without. Because ST is within the two words without. That would also be correct. Albert ST within-without. or you could see ein as the german word for ONE. ein svi dri fear feef zex zeaven ocht nagen teen. His name then becomes albert one-cup. Kind of gives him a native american feel.
You can see how I spend my days, can't you?
Long time anagramming and sitting chewing my lower lip. It is a reaction to hell. Its possible that this is not hell, that this is like, purgatory, or near-hell, or hells-kitchen rather than hells formal dining room, where the real torture goes on. Here is painful and sorrowful beyond your wildest imaginings, but who am I to say it is the worst?
I am nobody, thats who. And even in my dim-witedness, I know that is a line from emily dickenson. I'm nobody who are you? Are you nobody too? People recite that and find it cute or funny or even trite and abysmal, but I find it tragic and telling. She must have been tormented like me. At least she was able to write all the time. At least she had that.
I have no friends, no life, no purpose, no job, no love, no hope, no family, and even so they won't let me write. they took my tender bloody lifeline thingy, that corpussel or artery thing that connected my eye to my heart and my heart to my brain and they bashed it flat. I access it, but it is flat and often nonsensical, and always sad.
they stole my humor. even while god was telling me the funniest things I had ever heard in my life, they sucked my irony wire, my visionary comic tragedy, and my magnetic loop right out of me. I no longer attract. The irony now is all religious. I no longer am even visible.